


I Can See By The Look in Your Eyes

by merlins_sister



Series: Beckett/Ryan AU [1]
Category: Castle
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-23
Updated: 2011-09-23
Packaged: 2017-10-23 23:47:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/256446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlins_sister/pseuds/merlins_sister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a time of need Kate returns to the arms of a friend. AU, end of season 1</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can See By The Look in Your Eyes

Kate considered the drink in front of her. Its amber colour was warm against the black of the counter top, the glow extending as she swirled the liquid around. It was comforting to watch, even when part of her worried about the fact in a time of stress she had come to a bar.

But then it wasn’t normal stress. Castle’s digging into her mother’s death, against her wishes, left her with an anger that pulsed inside. She wanted to get hold of the author and shake him, so desperate was she for him to know what he’d done. What he had stirred up. But she hadn’t. Instead she had walked away, focussing on her work with an intensity that was unusual even for her. She knew the others were worried about her, but so far no-one had broken ranks and stepped into the breach with her.

She had forgotten what it was like to feel so alone.

She shifted on her bar stool and tried again to focus on the drink, the one she had been nursing for over an hour. She should down it and head home. But home was cold and empty, and tonight she didn’t want that. But she didn’t like the alternative either.

“There you are.”

The voice behind her made her start but she squashed the surprise down quickly as the owner of the voice took a seat on the stool next to her.

“How did you find me?”

“You’re surprised? I am a detective, you know.” There was a smile to the voice.

Kate turned to face the owner of the voice, watching as he signalled the bartender to bring the same as her.

“You didn’t have to, Ryan,” she said as he returned his attention to her.

He replied with a shrug. “I know, but I thought it was time one of us reminded you that whatever is going on in that head of yours that you aren’t alone.”

From the outside people would have assumed it would be Esposito or Lanie that would take the steps to find her, to try and comfort her. And in another time they probably would have been right. But there was a bond between her and Ryan that no-one, as far as she knew, was aware of. Something only he could give her.

“I thought you could do with some company.”

Kate’s heart started pounding at the phrase, to the rest of the world an innocent offer from a friend. From Ryan to her though it was far from innocent, an unspoken code for what could only be described in polite circles as times when their friendship came with unique privileges. There were days when she wondered if it was even healthy the way they managed it, their attraction to each other having boiled over into an ‘arrangement’ years before when they had first met.. A chance to let loose their physical desire for each other every now and again. But it was only for one night at a time with the agreement that was all it could ever be, their friendship and later working relationship more important than any romance that might develop.

They had rules to their arrangement. The most important being that they couldn’t take comfort in each other if one of them was dating another. Kate considered Kevin. He had been dating Jenny for a while, but she knew they had been going through a rough patch as the reality of dating a cop had hit the other woman.

“I thought you would have been spending your spare time trying to sort things out with Jenny,” she said simply, unwilling to break their most important rule.

Kevin shrugged, a flash of pain on his face. “She says she can’t do the dating cop thing, and who am I to argue.” He sipped at his drink and Kate sensed the mutual need in any offer tonight. She sipped at her own drink while she gathered herself.

“Perhaps that’s what she wants... for you to argue with her,” Kate said after a few moments.

Kevin glanced at her, a wry smile on his face. “I get what you’re suggesting, but no... she was quite clear.”

Kate felt her heart clench at the thought of the man in front of her having to hear those words, and feel the pain of rejection, however justified he might have thought Jenny’s concerns. He was a good man who tried his best by all those he met. But even he couldn’t manage to put the job into second place; she wish she could say she didn’t understand that.

“Well, more fool her,” Kate replied, hesitating slightly before gently placing her hand over his, their fingers intertwining after a moment’s breath. When Kevin turned his eyes back to her they had darkened, and Kate now found her heart beating in anticipation rather than nerves.

“So, what do you want to do?” Kevin asked, a smile twitching at his lips at the way Kate found herself instinctively leaning forward.

She shrugged her shoulders. “We could go grab some food, or maybe a movie.”

“I don’t mind,” Kevin replied, his thumb running slowly down her fingers. “Whatever you want.”

He left the words hanging in the air. Kate took a deep breath, feeling she should be slowing where this meeting was going. But as soon as the code words had been said by Ryan she had felt an anticipatory tightening in her body, and the way his eyes had darkened from their usual sparkle to the darkness of the oceans told her that Kevin was ready whenever she was. That was why they had decided on the code, to help them navigate their unique relationship without miscommunication and the hurt that might follow.

Leaning forward she rested her hand on his chest so she could feel the increasing thud of his heart rate as she leant in closer. She gently placed her lips on his, relaxing into his body as Kevin’s arm wrapped around her waist. The kiss was slow, and comfortingly familiar. She could feel the pulse of anger start to fade under the onslaught of pleasure and contact. When they broke the kiss a few moments later she felt the first genuine smile on her face for while.

“Better,” Kevin commented on the smile, his thumb this time tracing her lips that now slightly curved upwards. The comment and the obvious warmth of affection in the tone made Kate’s smile spread. She turned her head so she could kiss the palm of the hand still cradling her head.

“You really are so beautiful,” he breathed.

Kate shivered slightly under the intensity of his gaze before returning her lips to his, aching for the contact and relief from painful emotions. She stepped down from the stool so she could wrap her arms around his neck, Kevin’s arms pulling her tight to him. When she finally pulled back from the kiss she left her body in close to her companion. “It’s been too long,” she murmured.

“No disagreement here,” Kevin replied softly before taking his lips down her jaw line. She fought to not give in to her desire to lift her head and let him move on down her neck.

“Home,” she managed as she made a determined effort to remember they were in a bar, stepping back to allow Kevin to get off his stool. She grabbed her purse before returning to lean into him, his arm pulling her close to him again, their lips meeting in restrained softness as they navigated their exit from the bar.

A cab was found with surprising efficiency and they tumbled in, barely giving her address before they found each other again with a hunger that drowned out the journey. With a concerted effort of restraint they dragged themselves up to her apartment. She had barely locked the door when Kevin had spun her around, pushing her against the wall, taking his lips where she had ached for them to go only a short cab ride ago. Her eyes fluttered shut as the sense of blissful release that Kevin Ryan seemed uniquely able to produce in her started to rush through her body. As he moved to the other side of her neck she managed “I can’t believe it’s been four years.”

Kevin’s head came up. “It’s not been four years since we last did this,” he said, distracted and attractively puzzled.

“No, not that,” Kate replied with a gentle laugh. “Four years since we met on that undercover operation.”

“Ah yes, the nightclub sting. An oldie but a classic,” Kevin replied, his own smile matching hers. “Of course, we may remember it more fondly because of what happened afterwards.”

“That we might,” Kate replied as she considered their brief period of dating before they instigated their arrangement. It had been such a case of bad timing - she just out of therapy about her Mom, he just out of a hurtful relationship - that she had wondered what the universe had been up to.

Had wondered if things had been different if they might still be together.

She tugged him closer to her again, loosening his shirt as she did so. “Feels like a lifetime ago some days,” she almost whispered, unexpected emotions in her tone.

His body was pushed up against hers, its heat almost overwhelming. She could feel how much he wanted her, hear his ragged breath, but Kevin was Kevin. It was amazing the amount of control over himself he could exert at the slightest hint of uncertainty.

“You okay?” he asked. “Do you want to stop?”

She shook her head, kissing him passionately to reassure him of what she wanted... needed tonight.

“I just felt so alone tonight,” she said as she started to tug more urgently at his clothes, “I didn’t think anyone knew that. I should have known better with you.”

“You’re never alone,” he replied, taking her head in his hands, so he could look her carefully in the eyes. She ran one of her fingers across his now bare stomach feeling the shiver underneath, his eyes fluttering at the sensation.

Clothes fell easily from them now, snorts of laughter accompanying their efforts with more awkward items, until they had stumbled and fumbled their way to the bed. They fell on it with little grace, rolling as they explored each other with an intensity that belied their previous knowledge of each other.

Kevin hissed slightly as Kate worked her way down his chest, kissing a mental map of sensitive spots, chuckling slightly as the buck from his hips informed her that she had found a new one. She teased it a bit more, tongue and teeth producing the desired effect on her lover.

She worked her way back up until her body covered his again, chuckling again as Kevin squirmed underneath her trying to move.

“Uh, uh...” she purred. “I’m not finished yet.”

“Wicked woman,” he muttered, his eyes barely open.

Kate kissed him, her tongue following the curves of his lips, opening them further so she could delve deeper in side. Their bodies started to shift in unison, the rhythm heightening her hunger for him. Kate started to shift her position, desperate now for a release from the intensely pleasurable tension inside her. But as she did so Kevin’s eyes came open and for a moment all thought of movement stilled. Their gazes locked and Kate felt a deeper need than the one for physical release.

As she started on her move again to find the pleasure she had been seeking she panted, “I need to see your eyes, need to feel...” She couldn’t describe it with the words available to her at the moment but knew she didn’t need to say any more. She shifted until she could sit on his erection, their hands joining in a position to help her steady herself as she started moving up and down, her physical pleasure pounding to its peak, her eyes locked with Kevin’s dark blue gaze.

She came with a cry, her eyes flickering shut for a moment only as she quickly sought Kevin’s gaze out again. He gazed steadily at her, their grips tightening as she felt the last rumbles of pleasure dissipate through her body.

There was a moment of silence, anticipation, recovery, before Kate tumbled forward allowing Kevin to roll her over. His lips sought hers out and they kissed as if their appetite had only just been wetted, their gazes never leaving each other. He moved quickly to push inside her, a movement greeted by deep, low moans from both lovers.

His movements became more firm, as he managed to pant out, “God, Kate, you are so beautiful.” His eyes were the darkest she had ever seen them as they pulled her with him, the connection she had felt when on top continuing to heighten.

The physical rhythm had its own affect, pulling her towards another orgasm. She didn’t want this moment to end, but knew she wouldn’t last much longer, Kevin neither.

“Kevin... I ...I ...” she started but couldn’t continue as her desire for climax overwhelmed her. She came with another cry but Kevin couldn’t still himself for her this time as he continued to thrust until his own moan and the rush of sensation told her he had found his own release, their eyes finally closing on the sensations.

Kevin lowered himself gently onto her, her arms instinctively wrapping around him, pulling him tight to her. She held him close, now feeling a strange anxiety about opening her eyes and finding whatever they had been feeling when making love had gone. Their heartbeats pounded against each other, slowing as they recovered from the exertion until Kevin moved and she had to allow him to stretch out next to her. A finger tipping her chin up forced Kate to open her eyes. Eyes returned her gaze, already lighter than a few minutes ago, but as a more sedate rush of connection flowed through her she relaxed.

Kevin gently brushed hair away from her face. “You okay?” he asked softly.

She nodded her reply, her fingers caressing his cheek in affection. “You?” she asked.

“Uh, huh,” he replied with a smile. He considered her. “Still feeling alone?”

Kate considered the sense of connection she was feeling with the man next to her. “No,” she replied gently.

She remembered the flash of pain on his face when they were in the bar. “You?”

His smile spread. “No, not now.”

Her smile spread to match his, his fingers stroking her hair relaxing her even further, even as she considered the feeling that something had changed. And that although that felt very good now, why was there a sense tucked away that this could be problem later?

She closed her eyes for a moment so she could focus on the sensations of Kevin, and him being there, not some nebulous worry. As she opened them again she asked, “Stay?”

His expression was of surprise, as they had rarely spent a night together. “That would be good,” he replied after a moment. “If you’re sure.”

“Wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t mean it,” she said. “This feels too good to give up right now.”

“Yeah, for me too,” he said before dropping his lips to hers for a tender kiss.

As they moved to settle down Kate considered asking Kevin if he shared the worry niggling at the back of her mind before deciding it didn’t matter. Whatever lay in the future they would handle it, as they always had. Tonight... tonight was just about being together, being connected and never alone.


End file.
